It took me forty years to make the first positive move and only one month to find what I was looking for – I was one of the lucky ones.
I was blessed with a wonderful family and although I knew from a very early age that I was adopted it was never an issue. My parents told me I was special because I was a 'chosen' baby and so it was something I had certainly thought about, but frankly that's as far at it went. On my first day at school everyone was asked to tell the class who they were and where they came from. I stood there proud as punch and anounced to the world – I was a chosen baby because I was 'ADAPTED', boy did the teacher laugh – I felt quite small.
As I grew older, I convinced myself that my birth mother was probably married with children and that if I found her and made contact it could affect a lot of people and maybe even break up a happy family. I reasoned, that she might have not felt the need to tell anyone of my existence – and sometimes I felt very alone. As the years went by, rather than rock the boat I simply put it to the back of my mind. My birthday was when I did my thinking; but was she thinking about me too?
My parents mentioned it less-and- less as I grew up, but at eighteen I remember my mother telling me that I was now able to apply for my adoption file if I so wished. I felt guilty, like I would be letting them down and so once again I pushed it to the back of my mind. It wasn't until I was in my thirties that it was really mentioned again: After a pleasant evening spent in my parents company, and just as I was ready to leave, dad blurted out, "your mothers name was Sandra, 'Deveraux' I think, and you were called Katerina". That was all he said, but the shock was immense, like a slap across the face with a wet tea towel – I remember it well. Rushing home, I stood in front of the mirror and told myself I couldn't be 'Katerina' I was Jayne!
A few days later I recovered, put it to the back of my mind and carried on until at the age of forty I had a medical problem. It was ill health that made me realise the importance of knowing where we come from and who we are is important, to everyone. I had no knowledge of my genetic family history, which now seemed so important and I decided that I had to make the first move – my journey of discovery.
As an IT journalist specialising in security I was a little suspicious of providing any personal information, about myself or the little I knew about my birth mother, to readily on a web site. However, I thought that maybe with a carefully worded request on a message board and a new email address to protect my identity I could set off on my quest. What I didn't know was that dad had got the details a little confused and so the cards where stacked against me.
It wasn't long before several replies had dropped into my inbox, but I was careful not to accept the information provided at face value. Had I done so I would have contacted more than one complete stranger and apart from being an embarrassing situation for me it may have caused them a lot of distress too. One email that arrived was quite different… The researcher provided some references and didn't ask for payment. She also gave some advice and from my replies gauged a modicum of tact and diplomacy in the way I was preparing to make any initial contact with my birth mother. When I was finally given the information – an address and a phone number – I decided, against my normal approach throughout life of jumping in feet first, to consider my next move carefully.
Several days later and after consultation with a social worker, to whom I explained what I was about to do, I plucked up the courage to address and stamp the letter that I had written. If my other half hadn't picked it up and posted it, who knows whether I'd have ever had the where-with-all to post it myself, but I'll never know the answer to that one, will I?
I included my mobile phone number in the correspondence, adding my birth mothers name and phone number into my phone, just in case. The day after the letter was posted my mobile rang and the name flashing before my eyes was hers; that was something I'll never forget, joy and fear all rolled into one. I did, after what seemed like forever, answer it - of course there's lots more history now, we're getting to know each other and we've started AdoptionTracker.com - but that's another story! |
